Pinterest is the best worst thing that’s ever happened to me

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I’m not sure if you’ve discovered the magical wonderland that is Pinterest yet, but I must strongly advise against it. Restrain yourself. Don’t go down that road. You’ll never come back.

You want to travel? Well Pinterest has that covered. Even I have a Wanderlust board full of photos of places that I have been, and many more that I have yet to tackle. But looking at those pictures doesn’t come close to actually going. Browsing through someone else’s boards with captions like #50thingsbeforeIdie doesn’t help you book that ticket. It just makes your eyes glaze over and five hours later you realize that you’re still sitting at a desk and not on a plane.

Oh, do you want to lose weight? Well Pinterest just became your new personal trainer. There are countless ab exercises, squats you’ve never even heard of, all attached to amazing, rock hard bodied models who have 5% body fat, do yoga every morning after their 13 mile run and only eat kale and quinoa, unless they’re juicing. Oh, and don’t worry, there are quotes times a bajillion for any moment of weakness (just pain leaving the body) to help you stay motivated. Don’t even think about eating that cookie, because a moment on the lips isn’t worth the 6 hours of interval sprints on the treadmill that you’d need to burn if off. Don’t go near that pumpkin spice donut with buttermilk spiced glaze…

And OMG did you see those Pumpkin flavored rice krispy treats? Right next to the autumn white wine sangria, the flourless chocolate cake with raspberry whipped Chantilly and the chicken potpie that you can make in less than 23 minutes? And yeah those Red Velvet Crepes might not be the healthiest but if you eat them as a dessert after that super healthy BUT WAIT GRILLED CHEESE MAKEOVERS? And after that killer workout this morning you can definitely afford to eat all the perfect crockpot mac and cheese that you want and still fit into those amazing…

Chanel tweed pants and Tory Burch flats. Oh, you don’t make a million dollars a year? You can’t afford to buy out the top floor of Barneys? Don’t worry, after you’ve searched through every Vogue Fashion week pin, Etsy will show you how to sew your own peppermint buttons and pin them on your own handcrafted wooden corkboard to go on the whitewashed walls of your dream kitchen overlaid with fur rugs and decorated with the best art possible while your five puppies and commercial ready small children walk hand in hand through flower filled gardens.

I give up.